


551

by ExpressAndAdmirable



Series: The Heroes of Light [54]
Category: Dungeons & Dragons (Roleplaying Game), Dungeons & Dragons - All Media Types, Final Fantasy I
Genre: Drow, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/F, Recovery, Self-Reflection, The Jaxa Cycle, Tiefling, Triggers, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-19
Updated: 2018-01-19
Packaged: 2019-03-06 20:51:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13419396
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ExpressAndAdmirable/pseuds/ExpressAndAdmirable
Summary: Aviva realises she still has some things to work through regarding her past relationship. Contains: trauma flashback and related processing.





	551

It happened in the space of a breath. No thoughts but _there_ and _almost_ and _yes_ and _fuck_ , the harmony of fingers and tongue, _gods_ , just a slight adjustment and then–

And then, she was gone.

Haluei’en watched the Tiefling recoil away from the bed, away from _her_ , the heat inside her turning to ice in the pit of her stomach. Aviva’s eyes were distant and glassy, staring through the bed as she crouched on the floor of their cabin. One arm shielded her head as if from an incoming blow; a defensive posture, a cornered animal. Her chest heaved even as she pressed her lips together, every muscle tensed and ready to flee. She was terrified.

Slowly, Halei slid from the bed to join her on the floor. She had seen Aviva in a similar way once before, in the sewers beneath Castlefall when hellish flames had erupted from her body. That had been something new, an unknown, a response to pain. The look in the Tiefling’s eyes now was different. It reminded her of the soldiers under her command many years ago, those who struggled with the horrors of war long after they had left the killing fields. She had berated those soldiers, called them weak, ordered them to return to their duties with no second thoughts. She had learned since then.

“Aviva.” She settled into a sitting position, spreading her hands but making no move to touch the shivering Tiefling. “Come back to me,” she pleaded in soft Elvish. “Breathe. You’re safe here. Wherever you are right now, that’s not real. There is no danger here. You’re safe, my love. I promise. You’re safe.”

For a few long moments, Aviva did not move, her arm still raised against the unseen assailant. Finally, her other hand snaked outward to find Halei’s and squeezed it tightly. Forcing her breathing to slow, she curled into herself, pressing her knees to her chest and wrapping her arm and her tail around her legs. “You touched my horn,” she whispered, her normally elegant Elvish sounding forced and unwieldy on the air.

“I did,” Halei agreed in Common, watching the Tiefling’s eyes as they returned to the present. Then: “I should not have.” It did not need to be a question. She tilted her head. “I’m sorry.”

Aviva nodded very slightly, finally meeting her gaze. “Please don’t touch my horns.”

“I shan’t.”

The ghost of a smile flickered across Aviva’s face, comforted by the simple, unquestioning sincerity of Halei’s words. It faded as she chewed her lip, the internal battle raging plainly behind her frown. She knew the Drow did not need an explanation, nor would she ever ask for one, but darkness can only begin to heal in the presence of light. With a dejected exhale, she dropped her forehead to her knees. “I’m sorry I ruined the mood.”

Halei blinked, an affectionate laugh at the unexpected apology rising in her throat before she realised Aviva’s regret was genuine. She lifted their clasped hands, placing a soft kiss on the Tiefling’s knuckles. “Don’t be. Never be. There will be so many other nights.”

Aviva nodded, as reassured as she could be, then squeezed the Drow’s fingers as her eyes looked into the past once again. “It… It was something she used to do. She wouldn’t bother with verbal directions, she’d just… grab my horns and move me.” She swallowed hard. “It was one of her favourite ways to make me feel powerless.” It was all she could say. It was all she needed to say.

Leaning back against the bed, Halei tugged gently on Aviva’s hand before releasing it and opening her arms. After the briefest hesitation, Aviva followed, pressing against the Drow’s side and burying her face in the hollow of her neck. “I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“For…” She sighed. “This. For her. For her continued presence. For not knowing about–” she gestured to her horns, lacking the words to fully verbalise what had just happened. When she spoke again, her voice was little more than a whisper. “I’m sorry for letting her fuck me up this badly.”

Halei tightened her arms protectively around the Tiefling. “You didn’t _let_ her do anything. She took away your choice; that’s her sin, not yours. It wasn’t your fault.” Shifting to look Aviva in the eye, Halei spread her fingers across crimson jaw. She could not yet avenge the injustice inflicted on the woman before her, but she could at least ease the burden of it. “You _never_ have to apologise to me, Aviva. Not for this. Not for any of it.”

For a long time, Aviva scrutinised Halei’s features, weighing the depths of her mind’s sharp conjurings against the presented truth. Finally, she sighed again. “Okay.” She did not sound convinced, but she seemed at least willing to acknowledge that the idea was worth considering. It would take time, but Halei could tell that time was not tonight; the sudden rush of panic had sapped the Tiefling of energy and left her exhausted and numb. She returned her head to Halei’s shoulder and they lapsed into silence.

In time, Halei felt Aviva’s body grow heavy against her. “Hey,” she murmured. “Do you want to go to bed?”

“No. Yes.” Aviva considered, then lifted her head to look at the Drow, suddenly shy. “…Can we sleep like we do on the road?”

“Of course.” With a smile, Halei reached behind them to pull the blankets from the bed, arranging the layers of fabric around and beneath them to form a cocoon of warmth. She crossed her legs, smoothing a fold of blanket across her lap, then gestured to the makeshift pillow. “I am prepared.”

Aviva smiled faintly and lay down beside her, resting her head on her thigh, her entire body relaxing as she sank into the safe familiarity of the position. “Thank you.”

Halei opened her mouth to declare the thanks unnecessary, then thought better of it. “Of course.” She stroked the Tiefling’s hair – and avoided her horns.

**Author's Note:**

> Title song by Dessa.
> 
> Follow me on Tumblr at @expressandadmirable for a proper table of contents for the Heroes campaign, commissioned character art, text-based roleplay snippets and more!


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